From Patricia, With Love
by La Cruciatus
Summary: Patricia Walker knows she doesn't have much time left. She writes one final goodbye letter each to the most important people in her life.


**A/N:** Hello everyone! Here I am with another fanfic, this time about Patricia Walker. I loved the back story about Usui's parents and I just can't get Patricia and Yuu out of my mind. There seemed to be a lot left to be said in the chapter 75. This is my attempt on Patricia writing a final goodbye letter to Yuu and if you guys like it, there's more to come with respect to other characters. (That means a cap of 10 reviews before I post the next letter!) Patricia writes these letters during her stay in a little known nursing home, a few months before she gives birth to Takumi. This is her goodbye letter to the man she lost her heart to; Hirose Yuu.

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Beloved Yuu

As I write these words, I can hear the soft patter of rain drops on the window pane. I can see the drops trickling down the glass, blurring the view outside the window and I can't help recalling the time you told me how you loved the rain. I was surprised, because to me, rain meant nothing but gloomy skies and a day wasted by being confined indoors. But you told me how beautiful the world looked after a bout of rain, cleared of dust and grime, the streets glowing with a liquidy sheen and best of all, the sun bursting out from behind the grey clouds, tinting the world with its bright, golden light. Would you smile if I told you that every time I talked to you, I felt as if the cold rain had stopped and I had stepped into warm sunlight, feeling refreshed, feeling new.

I cherish each and every moment that I spent with you. I feel no shame, no regret about everything that happened on that fateful day. When I woke up next morning, you weren't there beside me. But I could feel your essence lingering in every particle of my body. And I rejoiced in the sensation. I don't resent your absence as I woke up alone that morning. I know I am selfish and willful and in your own words 'a heartless lady', so I can't complain when you so willingly gave what I asked from you while knowing the ramifications of our actions, and for this, I'll always be grateful to you. You also surprised me with your skillful lovemaking. I wish I could see you now, your blushing face has always been so cute.

You gave me so much, much more than I could have asked or hoped for. The life that we helped create is thriving within me and is the sole reason I can smilingly endure the pain caused by my illness. Don't be angry with me, Yuu, but there never was a choice for me, whether to keep the child or not. Because for me, it is not a mistake resulting from one night of indiscretion. It's your child. Our child. I could no sooner get rid of it than take a gun and shoot you. Death is inevitable, inescapable. Mine awaits me in the not too distant future. If I can bring another life into this world, one that you and I helped create; a child that has your blood running in its veins, your gentle nature and quiet manners, your strong hands and compassionate eyes… how could I have done otherwise?

Solitude gives you a lot to think about, if you're a thinking person. You know how I dislike being on my own longer than necessary. I have no choice but to stick by my self-imposed exile. It gets maddeningly boring here. My memories become my refuge on such occasions. The moment I discovered that a part of you lives on in me, I knew wonder. I loved our baby from the moment I realised its existence and as it grows, as it moves within me, I love it more with every passing day. Just like you, my love. Every time I peruse those memories of you, I find something else which endears you to me all the more. A glance, a smile, a word… little signs which make me develop a new understanding of you, make me fall in love with you all the more.

Sometimes I think about the futility of it all, of my life. I was in love with you, yet I married Edward. I gave him a son, yet I can't give my son any love and guidance while he grows up. How I must have saddened my father, my husband and my dear mother in heaven. How I can't be with you, even when the taboo of mistress and servant no longer exists between us. And my unborn child, who will never know the mother who loved him unconditionally. Just one action on our parts and so many lives that will never be the same again. But I don't want you to feel guilty or blame yourself for any of it, Yuu. I do not regret, not in the least, what happened that night between us. It was natural, beautiful and pure.

You know I won't be coming back home, that there is no chance of my survival. We won't be able to see each other again, not in this life anyway. For me, we'll always be together in that moment, when the moonlight streaming in from the windows had bathed our entwined bodies in its silvery glow, and you'd told me for the first time that you loved me. In that instance, we were only man and woman, possessed by the same overwhelming emotion, unchecked by the barriers of rank and class. We were two people in love, in our own perfect little world. You gave me the greatest happiness I could have wished for in the moments I was in your arms that night.

Goodbye, my love. May happiness and good fortune follow your footsteps. I'll be yours, forever and always.

With Love

Patricia

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**A/N: **Kindly review and comment. ^_^


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